Wednesday, March 20, 2013

a book of revelations

So friends, the word on the street is that we didn't get the house we bid on. I was extremely disappointed about it. The thing about foreclosures is that because it is such a good deal, you start to convince yourself that you will never find something priced so great that you love so much. I found myself getting so wrapped up in the one that got away and then I reminded myself that the house did have some things about it that I didn't love. And it did need some work. So, that mostly leaves me here to try and balance my reaction because we all know that this just means that there is another house out there waiting for us. Not the end of the world. Disappointing, but not even close to the end of the world.

this was put into more perspective when my sister called me with some bad news from their corner of the world. actually, her call came literally minutes after my agent told me about the house. so it was a double whammy of blah. but her sorrows overwhelmed my dumb ones as was right. of course I won't share what is going on for them, but my sister also happens to be that dear friend that I wrote a post for a few days ago, and so with what happened yesterday added on top, I just feel so sad for her. I know they will make it through--i know that my sister is strong. she is even stronger than she thinks she is. In our family we have had this long standing joke that there is a little black rain cloud, and once it finds your house it is usually difficult to get it to leave (this came from an experience that included my dad cutting off a few of his fingers while my mom also happened to be temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. remind me to tell you about that time in our lives someday. oh man.) So we know a little bit about this little black rain cloud in our family, and he was over the savage house for the past year or so, and it seems to have switched to my sister now. But I want her, and everyone that has their own cloud, to know that it will be okay. Remember this? I really truly believe it. I chant it to myself when things are going badly.
I am here on the other side of a bad bad time in our lives when everything seemed pretty hopeless and I can tell you, it will get better. like of anne of green gables said (and we all know how wise she was), "everyone has a book of revelations in their lives" and sometimes the hard times are the ones that teach us the very most about God and how He loves us and wants to bless us. hold on tight. and we love you kelly and justin.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

sunday night

 scenes from a sunday evening. the kids getting a bath to start the week out right.
 I came upon this book propped up on Maddy's bed against the wall. Apparently during naptime she was busy drawing pictures and reading and also putting random toys into bins. Let's take a closer look
 looks like a nice assortment of cars, american girl cookie trays, a vintage fisher price figurine laying on a bed of shamrock beads. makes complete sense

what was she reading up on? The all-important things like how to tell who is a high-ranking Norman and what were mottes and baileys. Coming on little scenes like this one are one of my favorite things about being a mother. It's like a little glimpse into my kids' minds. This particular tableau expresses who Maddy is quite well. The doll stuff mixed with jewelry and the book propped up so she can look at the pictures. And even the book she picked is classic Madds. She loves anything "non-fiction" (her words, she is very into telling me the differences between fiction and non-fiction these days). She loves to tell me all sorts of facts she learns about animals and history and math from school. Today I asked her to name five things that describe a turtle. One of her first answers was "Oh, turtles are a reptile!" Oh....I was thinking things like, Turtles are slow and green. She is one smart cookie. She loves to tell me all about molly-cules (molecules) and likes to count the vertices on shapes around the house. The other day we were laying on my bed while she read to me some books I checked out for her from the library. One of the books was about a cat named Doris who saved her owner by waking him up when there was a fire in his house. It was a true story. Then came the part where they found poor Doris and her owner was holding her (seemingly) lifeless body in his arms. Maddy got so choked up she could hardly read, and it was so sweet and tender. I told her, don't cry  Mads, keep reading, it will be okay! She said, "Poor Doris, she was such a good cat!" Luckily Doris survived, but it took Maddy a few minutes to recover. I will have to be more careful of what I check out! She is such a sweet and empathetic little girl (except perhaps when it comes to her little brother bugging her) :).

and what about Grant? well that little boy is going through the two's and feeling the sorrows that come with it hard. every other decision (putting on socks, eating WHAT for breakfast? sitting in which chair?) seems to be a tantrum. I grit my teeth and try to understand the frustration that must be the world of a little guy who has his own definite ideas but is not particularly great at communication or boundaries yet. He's getting easier to understand. I love when we are in the car and he says carefully, with spaces between each word, Mama. Go. Back. Home. Pease! Now! He is a homebody, and that suits me just fine most days (until it really doesn't suit me at all and then I torture him by going to places that require him to be in a hated grocery cart!) He has the biggest toothy grin and so much energy. He adores his sister. He wants to drink out of big kid cups and could play in the kitchen sink all day. He wishes he had his own set of keys and he is almost always smiling when I get him out of his crib. And best of all is when I rescue him from the crib, I am rewarded with post-nap snuggling into the crook of my neck and shoulder. Sweet boy. Ornery, but so sweet.

 Sometimes I forget to write these little things down about my kids, but they are so important to jot down and remember! I know someday these little things will change into something new and I don't ever want to forget how sweet and cute and funny they are at these respective stages. I'm so grateful for the little things--the books propped up in bed, the drawings, the cute prayers (bless that mommy won't have to chase grant around too much, and bless daddy to be able to fix all of the x-bugs at work) that remind me that even with the hard days, there is nothing quite like being a mommy.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

probably boring mcboring

thoughts for the night:

1. we went to the open house for the charter school that Maddy managed to win the lottery to get into. I was really curious to see what they would say about their educational philosophies and what they offer children. It was a very interesting experience and I have sort of mixed feelings. I feel both excited because I think their ideas about how kids are is much more based in reality and that they try to be both flexible while maintaining high standards and expectations of the kids. That's an interesting balance to try and reach. You can tell that these are people that are passionate about teaching children in the best possible way, and there is an enthusiasm in the air that is exciting.
the book they want the parents to read. yes, we already have homework

The mixed bag of it is that the school does not yet have a playground (they do have outdoor play areas and they are surrounded by nature preserves so they go on daily nature walks in addition to recess and weekly P.E. which is cool). They don't have a computer lab yet (they are writing a grant for that, but they do have Ipads in every room). They don't have a conventional library, but they do have shelves of books in each classroom. They don't have a cafeteria, the students eat lunch in their classroom with their teacher. These are all things that are not necessarily bad, but they are different. Of course there is no bus--the parents do all of the picking up and dropping off. We also found out that while there is no cafeteria, they do bring in hot lunches three times a week that kids have a choice to buy. Because they are a health conscious school they bring in the lunches from (get this) Panera for two of the days and a thin crust pizza the other day. John and I looked at each other a started laughing. Maddy would eat better than all of us combined! Funny.

The other part of the mixed bag is that I could tell that some of the other moms were INTENSE. Like, practically freaking out during the tour asking five gajillion questions (most of which had already been answered if they had been listening in the main meeting hello) and they started talking about their private school pasts and how far away they were driving their kids from, and I started feeling like the biggest pain about this school just might be the other overachiever mommies! holy cow. calm down people, deep breaths!

so the big question of the night really felt not whether maddy would love this school (um, it feels like happy magic land, the classrooms look like they were made by the same person who designed the magic house of the Father of the Bride movie--not that they are fancy, but they are just cozy and perfect and delightful!), but whether or not I am man enough (woman enough) to take on the amount of commitment that it would take to have my kids in a charter school. It is something I will have to think about, but I am feeling like I just can't turn down this opportunity because it literally is not likely to come again. They have 88 first grader positions total in the entire school. Most of those were taken up by students from previous years and they had 150 applications just the few open spots left of the original 88. Because this school is a new charter school (this past year was their first charter year) we were lucky there weren't thousands of people signing up like they are signing up for the original charter school that this school is based on close by. (I am thinking that once this school is officially rated, which is will be this coming year, that people will go crazy about it. Right now I think people are waiting to see). Also awesome is that Grant is automatically in when he comes to school age. So we don't have to worry about the kids being separated. It is also going to be a K-12 school (they will add one school grade a year, next year they will be up to fifth grade).

So anyway, we have basically decided to go for it, and see how it goes. If we hate it and it's too much we can always rest assured that Maddy's back up school is very good and we have been more than happy with it this year.

So...there's a lot of stuff you probably didn't care to know about charter schools. :)

2. totally random and crazy, but the other day I looked up the keywords "kitchen makeover" in pinterest and guess whose kitchen showed up as the first picture? Mine!! How crazy is that?! It caused me to have a moment of reflection when I realized that so many people had pinned my old painted kitchen to their "dream kitchen" or "someday my house will look like this" folders. It reiterated to me the fact that even when we have something that we think is not particularly grand and that we are just trying to make do and spiff it up, that other people would love to have it. But I digress, let's just focus on the fact that it was cool to accidentally pinterest myself. awesome

3. i don't know what is wrong with me but this morning i ate grapefruit for breakfast and hummus for lunch. i am turning into such a hippy it's scary. don't worry, i'll ruin all of that good work with some easter candy at some point.

4. no we haven't heard anything about the house.

5. we had a babysitter watch our kids while we went to the open house and when we came home Granty ran to the door in his little footed pajamas and my heart flip flopped over the sweetness of my baby boy. I think I'll keep him. Forever.

6. My greenie (missionary I trained) is back in Tegucigalpa helping with the temple dedication. Her husband is a sound engineer for the church and so he gets to go and she managed to go along by offering to translate and be a general go-fer. How cool is that?! But most cool of all is the fact that the place that I dedicated 18 months of my life is getting its first temple. I know non-mormon folks don't care, but this is pretty great to us crazy mormons. I just love those hondurans so dang much.

7. We're thinking of doing easter at my mom's house. The only thing between me and amish ham and pies is a long day of driving with little kids in the car. It would still be worth it.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

yes it's true

we are indeed trying to buy a house. we just (FINALLY holy smokes--it took allllll day) signed the papers and our agent is submitting them tonight right before midnight. sounds kinda like ebay right? It's a long story, but apparently some foreclosures (that's what we're offering on) are done online in a sort of bidding type of thing, only of course you can't see what anyone else is bidding. You can see if other people have also bid though, so we are interested to see that once she puts in our offer. I really really really hope we are the only ones that put in an offer, but that is probably unlikely. We will have to see.

Sorry, no photos (probably not the safest thing to do, posting the listing to a possible future address), but if we do get the house by some miracle, you know I'll regale you with plenty of horrible "before" shots. This house needs some love. But we think we see some good potential.

Keep your fingers crossed for us. Mostly pray that I don't go stark raving mad before we find out (it takes a few days at least before hearing back from the bank). Patience is really not my forte--I know, I'm such a brat. Sorry! But i hope you will forgive me. I'll try to go back to less annoyingness in the future.

But let's face it, I can make no promises.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

another week goes by in which the savages dominate the world (or something like that)

 I know what you're thinking:  we have hit an all-time low, this blog is now posting pictures of coconut milk.. may be right. blame my Mom, she's the resident hippy in my life and told me to give this to my kids with orange juice. she also told me that it would cure us of every known malady to mankind. so, i now expect to live until I am 126. If I don't, I shall be very put out.
 kinda like this guy (he was actually just annoyed that Maddy dared to fall asleep when he wanted to play with her). this picture makes me laugh every time I look at it.
 sometimes i get a wild hair and i want to bake something that I had once fifteen years ago. well it hasn't been quite that long since I had raspberry pie, but it felt like fifteen years. i put a crumble topping on it. oh susannah, it was good.
 this kid is crazy, but at least he is cute. occasionally.
 i caught them snacking on apples like this one day. little known fact: apples taste better on top of tables. true story.

 i bought some seeds from the dollar store because 1. i knew Maddy would love to plant some things 2. I have a very scientific curiosity to see if they will grow since I only paid a quarter for each packet. if they do grow i will have paid cents for each carrot. i find that both a worthy investment and an interesting science experiment. i will keep you posted.
 I didn't grow these. but i am thankful to whoever did for cheering my countertops and life up
 another little known fact (if you are a doofus like me): two year olds are the world's worst kite fliers. actually, i thought I bought him one of those tiny tiny kites. turns out i bought my poor little son some sort of inflatable princess kite. i have serious doubts about my intellectual abilities when I am forced to shop with two kids.
 Maddy did much better with her kite. I didn't have to disentangle her from string like a deer stuck in twelve pounds of barbed wire fence like I did with Grant.
 Grant trying to bird watch. I think this would constitute the birds watching him.
 I was told to take this picture of her posing to save the soccer ball goal. She would not get up until I took the photo. I know this because I refused to take a picture for a good four minutes and she refused to budge. I blinked first.

Maddy blowing up her "goo." this was for Dr. Suess's birthday because apparently there is goo (actually I was told it is "ooblek") in one of his books. my thoughts? gross

  I'm making you look at multiple pictures of the Maddy's homework assignment because we were pretty darn proud of how our Leprechaun trap turned out. She did the work herself (except for the dangerous sawing of toothpick sticks with a serrated knife), but I helped her figure out a design plan. It was based on a leprechaun trap my little sister did when she was tiny.

 the wee leprechaun will climb up this ladder and jump onto the small white pillow on the other side to get to the gold. only then will he realize that there is NO ladder to climb back out. gotcha!
 we're pretty much sure this is going to work. we're about 97% sure.
and in other random news, here is Grant playing in the playhouses while Maddy does her ballet class. this place is genius. and cheap. but mostly genius (cheap IS genius!)

 we were in a store and he tried these on all by himself and I wanted to buy them SO BAD because...well look at him! he looks amazing. my kid is so cool. this is just a guess, but I am pretty sure even Tom Cruise didn't look this cool at age 2. just saying.

 speaking of cool, here is my other cool kid. we decided to take Maddy on a date with the two of us. We had someone watch Granty and we all went to see the new Wizard of Oz movie (The Great and Powerful Oz I think it's called). While we were waiting for Dad to get in from parking the car we snapped this picture in the theater.

 Maddy has only been to maybe two movies in the theater, so this was a pretty big deal for her. she was really excited. She is such a sweetheart--even if she did keep asking if the movie was going to start YET. ha, I remember doing that to my parents. payback.
 we even let her get popcorn and a soda. she was so amazed that we let her buy soda. yeah, we are THOSE parents. ugh, i hate parents like us.
 and then one time I made a funfetti cake because, um hello, it's FUNfetti! and I don't know why, but when I walked past the box at the grocery store I just knew that one of these days I was going to need more fun and more fetti in my life. between this picture and the picture of the pie, I would say I have a serious sugar and baking addiction. so...maybe we aren't as much of THOSE parents as i might have led you to believe. gotta balance out the healthy coconut milk hippy stuff somehow. am I right or am I right?

 game night. are we predictable or what?

 this time Grant got to stay up and play too. he mostly liked the shaking part. oh, and when we would freak out because he kept getting yahtzees. pretty much anything that lets him give people high fives makes his world a far better place.

and this sight was just sitting there after I helped get the kids ready for bed. doesn't it look so rumpled and cozy? oh yes. and on that note, I am headed to do some serious kindle reading. wish me luck, i need a new book. read anything good lately? what this world is in need of is another all-engrossing series that everyone can obsess about and act like they hate it but secretly they love it. if only i could write that series. but instead, that cozy bed is calling me. happy sunday friends, hope something really exciting and marvelous happens to you this week (and me too please).

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

off kilter but settling

I hope my last post was not off-putting. I hope it didn't come across as sanctimonious or like I am the queen of knowing how to be happy. No no, au contraire, the fact is that I am the queen of trying to figure out how to be happIER. and the good news is that my friend is feeling on the road to better. she's such a good person, my friend. I am her number one cheerleader. I have so many great friends, I am lucky.

now, on to random things as usual. do you ever just have days that seem off somehow? not bad, just... weird? I had one of those today, it was a good weird though. we found out that Mads got into a good charter school unexpectedly (it was a lottery) and I was completely surprised and thrilled and it threw my whole self into a spin. all of the sudden our house search split open wide and it this was both terribly exciting and terribly scary. I had finally narrowed things down just in time for the new school to open them back up. here we go, back on page one, blank pages in front of us again waiting to be written. i'm okay with that. i just need to settle the heck down and get to the work of weeding through things again. settle down sister savage.

I went to the cardiologist this afternoon. it's been two years since I went last, which is bad on my part because I am supposed to go every year, but last year we were swamped with medical bills and scarcity of insurance. this year I am happy to sing a different tune. oh dear darling insurance how i love you! even if i have to pay a million dollars for you, i still appreciate you and your FSA goodness so very much. all of the sudden life seems safer and sounder with you around.

so anyway, i met my new local cardiologist and he was very nice and seemed very knowledgeable. both of which are qualities i appreciate when it comes to people dealing with my heart.

i have to go back in for the official echo cardiogram in a few weeks, and those always remind me of 1. when i was diagnosed with mitral stenosis 2. my grandpa 3. being in the hospital with pulmonary edema twice (horrible terrible no good very bad) and 4. how far i have come since those early days of learning how my little broken heart would affect the future of me and my family. it's weird for me to act cheerful while in a cardiologist's office because inside i still feel a little bit vulnerable and scarred. but overall, i feel like this too shall pass. he asked about whether we were having more kids and when i said that we were advised strongly against it he was very relieved. ah the relief that still manages to sting me!
i can't even remember when he was such a tiny bundle of squishy

but i feel much much stronger than i did two years ago. that's a whole post in itself. but today i am content to merely glance at this topic and move on. it's a chapter that i have to keep re-reading (maybe for the rest of my life?), but it's becoming less of a chapter of sorrow and more of a chapter of understanding and acceptance. God writes so many chapters in our books for us, and it's up to us whether we want to love them or turn our backs on the them. I want to love this one because it is the same one that gave me my mission to central america and my two babies--some of the most delightful parts yet. the best books always have the bitter and sweet mixed up together, don't you think?

so today was threw me off a little, but i'll get back on the line again. i just need to settle.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

DIY Happiness

This post is written with a very dear friend of mine in mind. This is the sort of friend that you think about at least once a day, talk to probably every other day on the phone, and even the sort of friend that you get annoyed with one minute and then forgive the next. Basically, she's one of my best friends. She is going through a really rough patch lately, and as I have had her on my mind trying to think how I could help while living so far away, I thought I would start by dedicating this dumb little post to her.

If you've read my blog, you know I'm all about the DIY. Do-it-yourself painting, re-doing, refashioning. If I can figure a way (even in a hack job way) to do something by myself, you're going to find me trying. Sometimes it works, sometimes it goes badly (remember the polka dot bucket project??? Shudder, I hope not....) So while I was trying to think of some words that might go towards helping to cheer my friend up, I thought, why can't I do a DIY way to happiness? And maybe in the comments you can chime in and tell me the ways that you have found to get yourself through a hard time. That would be so awesome.
macgyver. the original DIY'er in my opinion. he could make anything out of anything. in fact, he probably made that rocket out of chewing gum and Chuck Norris. This post will be like the MacGyver of happiness. Hold on to your seats.

So, here are my own self-proclaimed dorky and rooky things that I do to get myself out of a funk or through a really hard patch. In no particular order:

1. pray. this one is easy in theory. but when i am really down, i make myself go into a room alone and pray out loud. sometimes i do it in spanish if i really don't want to feel embarassed about someone hearing me (because obviously talking out loud in a foreign language when no one knows what you're doing is way less embarassing but hey it works for me). really pour out your real worries and let yourself cry. also, work in some repentance and think of ways to do better without drowning yourself in additional sorrow. trust that God loves you enough that he will let your shortcomings go (and wants you to let them go too. Really, he does!)

2. call a friend. even if you think they don't want to hear about your bad day, do it anyway. just hearing their voice and laughing about their hijinx will make things better.
if this is an example of the sort of hijinx your friends regularly do, then please ask them to be my friends too.

3. deep clean something.  I read this on one of my favorite blogs (clover lane) and I laughed out loud. I thought--"That is just ridiculous! What an overachiever!" But then one time I was feeling really low and I decided that even though I didn't feel like I had the energy or strength to clean that day,  I was going to try it (I was willing to try anything at that point!) and it WORKED! Suddenly when you take control of your surroundings, your worries seem like they are not in control of you. Making order from chaos makes you feel like you can accomplish anything. This is just deep cleaning. Toy pick up sorta kinda counts, but you'll feel depressed once the house gets messy again. But if you know that the house is sanitized and de-crumbed, the clutter from kids won't get you down as much. Try it, tell me if it helps you someday!
that's right, you too could look like a cleaning ghostbuster

4. get some alone time. this isn't always possible if you have kids. but thankfully I get some time when Grant is napping. I take that time very seriously as me time. I will either shower, or nap or eat a nutritious lunch that no one else would like except for me. Usually that's a big salad with some delicious bread, a tall icy drink, and peace and quiet. If I have time, I take a nap. Having kids is tiring, don't feel guilty!

5. treat. yo. self. If you don't know what this means then you need to watch this video. I love parks and rec (except when it is dirty, but you know what I mean).
basically, do something nice for yourself. it doesn't have to expensive. I like to treat myself to some orange pellegrino every once in a while. Or maybe I'll take the time to paint my nails or buy a cardigan. Treat yo self is good fo yo soul.

6. change your perspective. If I find myself starting to get overwhelmed with anxiety I start asking myself some useful questions. "Can I change what is causing me worry right this second?" -If yes, then I do something about it and feel better about it being done. If the answer is No (which is usually is), then I tell myself that I am allowed to forget about it until I can do something about it. Worry rarely ever makes things better. Being positive almost always makes things better, for example, it usually helps your stomach lining. I will also ask myself how I can change my own attitude. if my attitude is really bad then I revert back to number 1 on the list and pray about it.

7. serve. we all know this one, and that it helps our burdens seem easier to see what others are going through. it won't necessarily make things better in our lives, but it will help with that change of perspective sometimes.

8. change something about your appearance. this one is really superficial, but sometimes if I am in the bad weather doldrums I will perk myself up by buying a new lipstick or brushing my hair a new funky way, or getting a trim. don't be afraid to try something new, hair grows out people! life is too short to be so afraid!

9. learn something new (recipe, song). If I am feeling down because I'm bored, I try to do something new. I'll try to find new music that I like (pandora is great for this) or read a new book or bake a new recipe. I am the queen of easily getting bored, so this one is one that I struggle with constantly. I try to look at things in a different way, including parenting, and make it into a challenge of how i can make something really lame into something funny or interesting (like playing with playdough for the five millionth time or playing kitchen. I actually try to think of how to make the games more fun for me!) My kids love it when I am able to stop being such a grinch and they learn how to play more imaginatively too. It's rare when I can pull it off, but it makes the day go by much faster when I change my attitude from blase to making something into a challenge. one last example of this is when Maddy wanted to play dolls and we decided it was the doll's birthday. we made a birthday banner, a mini pennant banner out of paper and tape and string. we googled how to make miniature cakes for dolls and made those, and we even fashioned sleeping bags so they could have a doll sleepover. by the end, I was having as much fun as she was!
note: our's didn't turn out this cute, but it was still really fun! (I couldn't steal a photo from John's instagram to post our version here)

10. paint. this one probably only applies to me, but painting furniture or walls is therapy for me. find your thing that brings you pleasure and do it. i hear excercising is good at this too. ;)

11. remember that everyone's life is just as challenging. it's easy to assume that because people's lives look amazing on blogs or facebook or from the outside, that they are easy. sure, they may have some things easier than you, but we all struggle with something. sometimes to make myself laugh I take this idea and run with it and make up all of these outrageous, couldn't possibly be true, things that may be going on in people's lives that I don't know about (like, Wow, she really baked such a gorgeous cake....but I'm sure she is struggling with something I don't know ghosts). ha. also, having a sense of humor should be on the list, but hopefully the picture below expresses that well enough.

12. read your journal or old blog posts. they make me remember what things are really important to me, and they help me remember when things were harder than they are even now! they remind me that God is at the helm and that he has helped me so far, and he won't abandon me or you now.

13. listen to music (but not the kind that makes you moody). music can be awesome, but beware the moody stuff when you are down. I recommend something snazzy.

14. go outside and get some sun. let your kids run around even if it is cold outside. just bundle them up and then all go out together. it will do you a world of good to get some vitamin D and some fresh air. the kids need it too.
don't you feel better just looking at this picture?? like a big sigh of relief. aaahh

15. eat vegetables.

16. spend money on a family experience (that isn't eating our or a movie). i nix eating out and movies because those are such normal things to do. I like to think outside the box. plus, honestly, eating out with my two kids is hardly ever relaxing. unless it's chik-fil-a where they have the promise of playtime afterwards. save the good restaurants for date night I say!

17. look for new things to do in your town. we have a butterfly house I want to visit. and this saturday we went to a horse farm just to look at the horses (we called ahead and were told it was fine).

18. read a conference talk. or a devotional. this was sent to me by a dear friend during a hard time and I re-read it several times a year. she was an answer to my prayer without even knowing it.

19. make your bed. and then try not to get back into it. hardest part.

20. vent on facebook and then delete the vent hours later. actually I don't recommend this one, it just seems to happen to me occasionally. awkward. :)

21. cry. it's okay, you'll feel better afterwards. if you don't, the cry some more.

22. try to remember the things that you genuinely do well and appreciate yourself. we are our own worst critics. turn off the mean girl voice in your head and just list the things that you do well. and then try to thank yourself for doing a good job. some days it is easier to do this than others, but it's a good thing to do occasionally. (especially if you're a mom and feel like a bad mom most days).

23. if you're married, hug your spouse. a lot. and talk to them and cry with them, and if they are a priesthood holder, ask for a blessing. if money is stressing your marriage, sit down and work it out until you no longer feel fearful. respect each other. depend on each other. be on each other's team.

that's about all I got. there are so many other things. to my dear friend, i hope you feel better soon, but until then, I love you lots.